because it’s such a nice snake

i feel like an oil slick…a very attractive one, but an oil slick nonetheless.
i just took a nice and hot, long bubble bath complete with victoria’s secret body wash and scrub and all that jazz. i deep conditioned my hair while soaking and afterwards put on that lotion that’s supposed to give you a natural glow. the natural glow part, i’m sure, is why i feel like an oil slick. but, i have to be wearing a skirt in a week and with the amount of bruises and white skin i have, something must be done stat. i have no desire to wear stockings…so im going to do everything i can to avoid it.

my daddy is coming to the midnight harry potter showing!!!! wooooooo!!!!!! i heart my daddy

i love taking bubble baths. i rarely have the oppurtunity, and i believe that the last one i was a part of was when me and jon went on vacation for my birthday….back in april…which is now three months ago. but, my skin gets all hot and pink and feels supersoft and silky. i feel like i sparkle afterward…and every girl needs something that makes her feel like she sparkles.

and i needed a bubblebath because….my boobs have increased in size…AGAIN!!! what the fuck man?!?!?!?! i swear to gods, whenever i lose weight my boobs increase in size. it is like the inverse proportion from hell and…i hate it. it’s hard enough to find cute and lacy bras as it is, and now you’re telling me that they have grown? life is so unfair.
i know.
dont say it.
shut up.
my funbags may be fabulous, but im sort of angry with them right now.

hmm…let’s talk about work and pain management, or, as i like to call it, the day of the neverending parade of crackheads.

the parade doesnt begin at 830, when i get to work in the morning, but that’s when the preliminaries start. people call to make sure that the doctor will, in fact, be in, because they are in so much pain and really need to see him and have every single excuse in the book as to why they havent been able to get in for the past two weeks for treatment, but will make an appointment to see Doc when they come in today, *insert over the phone puppy dog eyes here* because i swear to goodness that they are audible.

my skin smells like caramel right now, kinda cool.

but anyway…

the first patient of the day, is always the first patient of the day, because she needs her fix from her legal drug dealer. she is one of the ones who always calls the day of or the day before making sure that the doctor will be in because she is in so much pain because she can barely walk,
“but you havent been in in two weeks to see Doc. If you arent treating with Doc, you can’t come in for pain management.”
“but i dont care about feeling better, i just care about not feeling.” or rather, “i’ve had transportation issues, i’ll make an appointment to see Doc when im there.”
“alright, but this is the last time. the pain management doctor wont see you if you arent treating.”

and she comes in, is actually waiting outside of the door before we open while smoking a cigarette, and is telling one of the new patients her sob story about how she has thiw wrong with her and this wrong with her and she gets this many shots in her neck every time she sees the doctor and she is so fucked up and hurting (but never comes in for treatment) and you’ll be getting meds and shots too, so be prepared. and the new patient is eating it up because she actually turns out to be a crackhead who was discharged from another dx’s care for being a crackhead and she is on three different types of narcotic pain medication, plus a muscle relaxer, and came into the office yesterday saying how she didnt actually want to see the chiropractor, she just wanted to see the pain management doctor. so basically, she wants her fix.

and i know, i shouldnt make fun of it or them, because they are legitimately addicted to the pain medication at this point, but at least pretend you are interested in getting treated and feeling better. i mean, arent addicts supposed to jump through hoops in order to get their fix? start jumping crackheads!!!!!!!!!!!

i ate dinner with my family tonight, and every interaction with my mother reminds me why i hate her so much, and why all the mother characters in my stories play the cold, heartless, villain. bitch.
i dont understand her. or really, i understand her perfectly, and yet am still flummoxed by her utterly. the things she does and says will never make sense to anyone but her and the voice that she thinks is jesus whispering in her ear. and im afraid of schizo patients, ell oh ell, let me tell you.
don’t you have to die to be a martyr? im pretty sure that you do, so, maybe she should get on that so that she can actually be the martyr that she plays in real life 3D so well.

that sounds as cold, heartless, and villainous as the mother characters in my stories, and as the mother character in my real life, but we learn how to be from the people that raise us, dont we? my mother doesn’t really have to die, she can just go away forever and never come back and never try to contact any of us ever again.

and my poor father is still just as in love with her as he has always been, and that is something that i will never understand. i will never understand how my father can love such a person willingly, when i dont even feel the pull of obligation on my heartstrings to tell her that i love her.

my mother…she says things like, “if that were my kid, i would hunt the bastard down and kill him.” because it’s like she doesnt remember that it was her kid, and she didnt do anything. she just laid there. and i think that, maybe, i’m justified in hating her as much as i do. and my sister is just like her, and that scares me so effing much, because my sister says the same thing, all parents say the same thing, “if it were my kidthey would be putting me in jail for murdering the fuck.” well…hopefully other parents have more follow through.

i dont know. deep thinky thoughts still, you know? deep thinky thoughts that are trying to leak out and im trying to suck back in.

~ by warwick on July 8, 2009.